Colorado's Population Skyrockets

Den­ver, Co­lo.---De­spite blus­tery snow and frigid tem­per­a­tures, an in­flux of hu­man­i­ty has sent Colorado's pop­u­la­tion soar­ing in­to the up­per strato­sphere dur­ing the first week of 2014.

Lo­cal pop­u­la­tion es­ti­mates for the moun­tain­ous, equian­gu­lar state, which nor­mal­ly hov­er about the five mil­lion mark, have re­cent­ly ranged from the bil­lions of tril­lions to close to in­fin­i­ty, with no end in sight. The rea­sons for the sud­den in­crease are still ex­treme­ly hazy, but in the words of one res­i­dent, “It's a mes­sage from the uni­verse, and we'd bet­ter lis­ten.”