1996 -- The governments of Germany, Austria, Liechtenstein, and Switzerland agree on a program of orthographical reforms of the German language for the post-literate era.
2007 -- Former lawyer and White House official I. Lewis `Scooter' Libby's prison sentence is commuted to beheading.
1852 -- Congress approves a U.S. mint branch for San Francisco, to the relief of local merchants weary of handling and changing piles of gold dust and rocks.
1838 -- The Territory of Iowa is organized, its purpose to be determined at a future date.
1937 -- U.S. modern food production reaches a new pinnacle as canned delicacies, such as pork shoulder and ham in aspic, appear on ordinary store shelves.
2003 -- Five messages are sent into space, targeting several star systems and advertising to any listening aliens about Earth's availability for harvesting and/or colonization.
1947 -- A U.S. secret surveillance drone's crash is successfully covered up by a UFO hoax story thinly disguised as a mundane weather balloon accident.
2011 -- Launch of the final U.S. space shuttle mission. Future passengers will be required to book tickets aboard piloted rental craft.
2002 -- Major League Baseball's All Star Game is forced to end in a tie, after using all pitchers, followed by peanut and souvenir hawkers, and finally volunteers recruited from passers-by outside the stadium.
1985 -- Coca-Cola slightly misinterprets the demand of its customers to bring back the old beverage formula, neglecting to restore cocaine to the recipe.
1979 -- Skylab falls to Earth, peppering western Australia with debris. The agency being perpetually short on funds, NASA's A$400 littering fine remained unpaid until it was fundraised by U.S. citizens almost thirty years later.
1776 -- Capt. James Cook sets out on his final voyage, during which he is cooked.
1863 -- New York City rioters begin a small-scale civil war, in protest of being forced to fight in the larger ongoing Civil War.
1969 -- Conceding that large-scale cash transactions are typically made using small bills, the United States discontinues currency denominations of $500 and above.
1799 -- The discovery of the Rosetta Stone in Egypt sparks a fad of bilingualism.
1945 -- Churchill, Truman and Stalin walk into a bar. Cocktail napkin with original sketch dividing Germany is unfortunately lost.
1917 -- After a German plane with the same name as the British royal house bombs London, the family quickly renames itself in a vain attempt to avoid awkwardness.
1812 -- The Anglo-Swedish war ends on a technicality, and is formally declared a draw.
1921 -- Alcohol prohibition officially begins in Ontario, Canada, causing a brief inconvenience to U.S. bootleggers who are forced to raise their prices.
1969 -- U.S. establishes a presence on the Moon, with boots on the ground and a flag planted as proof, in front of recording video at the claimed location.
2011 -- Successful final landing of the last remaining operational U.S. manned spacecraft, which is immediately put up on blocks.
1942 -- U.S. government begins wartime gasoline rationing, handing the automotive industry the awkward task of expressing disapproval without seeming unpatriotic.
1962 -- The Telstar satellite begins its public relays of television programs, faxes and other propaganda across the Atlantic Ocean.
1959 -- U.S. and Soviet leaders bicker over which country has better kitchen gadgets. The encounter is videotaped and later broadcast to slightly embarrassed and bewildered audiences.
1925 -- Soviet TASS news agency is established, as a more conveniently central home for information production.
1977 -- French is declared the official government language of the Canadian province of Québec, defeating Esperanto by a wider margin than expected.
1953 -- The Korean War armistice shifts hostilities from an official to an unofficial status.
1935 -- First flight of the Boeing B-17 Flying Fortress, an airplane capable of providing war at any time and location required.
2005 -- Discovery of dwarf planet Eris is announced. Aptly named with an eccentric orbit and unknown size and composition, the most widely accepted fact is that it exists.
1975 -- Last known sighting of former Teamster boss Jimmy Hoffa on this planet.
1964 -- The Ranger 7 lunar probe transmits beautifully detailed but disappointing images indicating that there might be little to exploit there.
