United Kingdom Zoologists announce Positive Mating Result

Lon­don---Doc­tors at St. Mary’s Hospi­tal re­port that a suc­cess­ful breed­ing in cap­tiv­i­ty of Ho­mo re­galis bri­tan­ni­cus has oc­curred, re­sult­ing in a sin­gle vi­able male off­spring. Ob­servers and en­thu­si­asts of the species are hope­ful that ad­di­tion­al mat­ing prod­ucts will arise from the same pair­ing, both in­di­vid­u­als of which have the de­sired youth and phys­i­cal traits con­sid­ered im­por­tant for a healthy and aes­thet­i­cal­ly pleas­ing strain.

H. re­galis once dom­i­nat­ed the in­hab­it­ed world, but their num­bers have dwin­dled due to loss of habi­tat and lack of ge­net­ic vari­a­tion. Fear­ing even­tu­al ex­tinc­tion, roy­al ad­vi­sors and oth­er breed­ing ex­perts re­cent­ly be­gan a se­ries of so­cial and po­lit­i­cal ex­per­i­ments, de­signed to en­tice some H. re­galis in­di­vid­u­als in­to mat­ing with oth­er ho­minid species in­clud­ing H. sapi­ens. Care­ful hus­bandry is re­quired in or­der to avoid ex­ces­sive hy­bridiza­tion, lead­ing to over-ro­bust­ness and an­ar­chic traits. The ide­al re­sult will be the restora­tion of a thriv­ing, yet con­trol­lable, H. re­galis pop­u­la­tion that can be used in fu­ture tri­al off-plan­et col­o­niza­tion ef­forts.

Crit­ics of the con­tin­ued main­te­nance of liv­ing H. re­galis mem­bers in­sist that they are mere­ly ex­pen­sive pets, and too much of a drain on the economies of na­tions who keep them. Pro­po­nents ar­gue that the species ac­tu­al­ly helps such coun­tries be­cause of the tourism and mer­chan­dis­ing in­come gen­er­at­ed by its mere ex­is­tence. Visi­tors pump large amounts of mon­ey in­to the own­er na­tions’ economies in or­der to view liv­ing and breed­ing habi­tats of H. re­galis, even at a dis­tance and when no in­di­vid­u­als can be spot­ted in the wild. Mer­chan­dis­ing es­pe­cial­ly ben­e­fits H. re­galis own­er na­tions who main­tain at least mod­er­ate­ly friend­ly ties with for­mer colonies, who are the largest con­sumers of species-themed mem­o­ra­bil­ia.