Shocking New Movie shows Mitt Romney Far More Boring than Thought

"Mitt Romney Fundraiser Video" Director's Cut

Release date: Septem­ber 17, 2012 Running time: 51 min­utes MPAA rating: PG-13 (te­dious lan­guage, mild hu­mor) Attempted genre: Po­lit­i­cal fan­ta­sy/hor­ror Director: Anne Ony­mous Starring: Mitt Rom­ney, cam­paign donors, ser­vants.

Head­ing in­to the pres­i­den­tial elec­tion post­sea­son, the Rom­ney Cor­po­ra­tion faced two se­ri­ous ob­sta­cles. The first was an in­cum­bent pres­i­dent on­ly faint­ly de­spised with­in his own par­ty. The sec­ond was a cred­i­bil­i­ty gap among con­ser­va­tive vot­ers who feared that be­neath the Repub­li­can nom­i­nee's calm and ra­tio­nal ex­te­ri­or lay an equal­ly calm and ra­tio­nal in­te­ri­or.

But by Mon­day, Septem­ber 17, a third and far more per­ilous ob­sta­cle had re­vealed it­self in the form of an ex­cru­ci­at­ing 51-minute video of bland jokes, pon­der­ous di­gres­sions, and stilt­ed ban­ter, against a soul-crush­ing back­drop of seat-squirm­ing dul­li­tude.

It has been re­port­ed else­where that sev­er­al high­ly of­fen­sive and po­lit­i­cal­ly self-dam­ag­ing re­marks from Rom­ney were al­so to be heard in the film, but this re­view­er did not make it that far. Doubt­less these shall be an­a­lyzed to the point of inani­ty in the pop­u­lar press, but to no great pur­pose. There ex­ists on­ly one tru­ly un­for­giv­able sin in Amer­i­can pol­i­tics: the car­di­nal sin of bore­dom.